Feeling fantastic. Very upset about the protruded right eyelid that is more or less a lesion surgeon above my right eye. Waking up to a plentiful day after a nice night smoking a pouch of tobacco. Once scored in the 96th percentile among brain training users for response time / attention. It may have reversed Schizophrenia doing that brain training.

As of no real avenues to acknowledge being inducted for human medical experimentation in the past (surgery, vision alteration / overlay, drugging, endurance, improving human performance), I am thankful I can write about it.

It is very hard having dealt with formerly being a human experiment. The problems now deal with that (if I sight something and think of it again) arbitrarily I see things covering quarters, halves or whole of line of sight in vision, sometimes hundreds of times a second but more recently only once every few seconds. Also, spending 12 years without very much socialising or having sex left a tremendous deficit in any ongoing ability to do so. Very hard to seek a friend or a partner or a sexual relationship suffering from certain cognitive, emotional and physical problems. Muscles in my face and elsewhere sporadically seize, such as around the eyes, in the lips, particularly in the front of the neck. And also, I can unexpectedly be blinded for 6 to 12 hours at a time with a full vision of something I have witnessed earlier in the day.

So accepting myself as a human experiment (someone who had formerly had their physiology, neurophysiology, facial structure, biology) altered by medical procedures as to some effect of discerning something, allowing for a specific goal to be ascertained, and accepting someone else as a leisurely social, sexual or romantic partner is very much anathema to the cold, cold indifference that one feels.

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